I’ve been procrastinating on this blog post lately. Or well, procrastinating since Saturday morning. It’s Sunday night at the moment. This was also supposed to be a post about my birthday and my birthday weekend. About how disappointing and depressing it was.
Having two lockdown/pandemic birthdays in a row has sucked. Getting yelled at or getting passive aggressive barbs thrown at me this weekend has sucked. Having few people acknowledge my birthday in real life, in person, audibly, has sucked. Having your work month scheduled out for you for the next month with last minute deadlines has sucked.
I’m writing this at 2:30 AM in the morning, so I’m not particularly coherent. I’m tired and sleepy, but I need to jot this down as I’ve been procrastinating on blogging out my feelings for the past month or so.
I’m in a mood again. Last night, it felt like I was on a high. I watched Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stream Among Us for five hours and laughed and smiled for most of it. I went to bed smiling and laughing. I couldn’t remember the last time I was so relaxed and happy. It felt like I was on a serotonin high. It was a strange feeling because the last time I felt like this, it was maybe two years ago.
I was smiling and laughing for nearly half of that Twitch stream. AOC, Hasan, and Corpse Husband put on such an excellent stream, I didn’t have the thought of presently being a life failure even once during those few hours. I laughed and I clapped. It never felt contrived. I never felt forced to react in a certain. I was just enjoying myself. There was no pressure to react negatively or positively.
Since I’ve been on Habitica, I’ve been more sensitive lately on what sort of productivity I’ve been putting out in the world and what I want to accomplish in my life beyond the usual life and career goals. That is, more than the usual “get rich and travel” mantra.
I got over 12 hours of sleep last night and woke up with a slight headache – perhaps from oversleeping? – so I am suddenly in the mood to jot down a list of things I want to accomplish in the near future.
Last month’s blogging exercise has proven to be somewhat productive. I’m here less than a month later writing out my feelings because I actually need an outlet today.
I had a job interview today. Two of them back to back for the same job and company. I already know that I didn’t get it. I know that it’s shooting myself in the foot, and maybe it is, but I have no optimism for my future anymore. I go to interviews for jobs I know I’m a shoo-in for because the role is nearly word for word what I’ve done previously in a last job – and it’s an unique position that not many people have the skills – and yet, and yet, I won’t get an offer.
Seven hundred. That’s the number of new COVID-19 cases in Ontario today. Can you believe it?! That’s a higher daily number than what we had in the spring. Unbelievable.
Okay, granted, we were doing less testing in the spring than we are now, but still, that is crazy. Here I was, thinking that we’ll go back to normal-ish in the fall, and I’ll be able to pop into the cinema to watch the new Wonder Woman movie in October… Nope. Not happening anymore.
Although I wrote almost an entire blog on a video game I’ve been playing a lot lately in my last entry, I haven’t written a proper blog on the actual video game I’ve been spending way more time on this past year. I won’t give too many details just yet, but man, because it’s a MMORPG, some players really drive me insane.
Right, I’m still on that Habitica challenge where I need to write a blog every single day. It’s obviously not working because hello, pandemic, so life hasn’t been very exciting, but I need to do it. Let’s create some content for this ol’ blog.
I found out today though Habitica actually has a desktop website for their members, so I’m hoping that will help because I don’t like typing on my phone. It’s that nail-clicking noise that I hate.
So that was short-lived. I’m back to feeling glum about my future again. I have it on my Habitica to look for jobs the next couple of days, but I’m not optimistic. There are only so many jobs out there nowadays, and it feels like every time I do go out looking, I see the exact same job postings over and over again but they’ve been advertising for so long. “Posted 14 days ago.” They don’t change.
So I’m not sure what to write here. I supposed it’s just to help me dump my feelings – a catharsis of sorts – even if this state of awareness has felt semi-permanent since the pandemic started.