It’s been a while. I’ve been meaning to write a blog update for a while now, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. It just feels like there’s been a lot to unload, so I don’t quite know where to begin.
I moved out, of course. I no longer live with my parents. It’s been a huge lift of weight off my shoulders. I can just do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, without someone silently judging me for every decision. It’s been great to that extent.
I’ve been procrastinating on this blog post lately. Or well, procrastinating since Saturday morning. It’s Sunday night at the moment. This was also supposed to be a post about my birthday and my birthday weekend. About how disappointing and depressing it was.
Having two lockdown/pandemic birthdays in a row has sucked. Getting yelled at or getting passive aggressive barbs thrown at me this weekend has sucked. Having few people acknowledge my birthday in real life, in person, audibly, has sucked. Having your work month scheduled out for you for the next month with last minute deadlines has sucked.
Seven hundred. That’s the number of new COVID-19 cases in Ontario today. Can you believe it?! That’s a higher daily number than what we had in the spring. Unbelievable.
Okay, granted, we were doing less testing in the spring than we are now, but still, that is crazy. Here I was, thinking that we’ll go back to normal-ish in the fall, and I’ll be able to pop into the cinema to watch the new Wonder Woman movie in October… Nope. Not happening anymore.
Right, I’m still on that Habitica challenge where I need to write a blog every single day. It’s obviously not working because hello, pandemic, so life hasn’t been very exciting, but I need to do it. Let’s create some content for this ol’ blog.
I found out today though Habitica actually has a desktop website for their members, so I’m hoping that will help because I don’t like typing on my phone. It’s that nail-clicking noise that I hate.
So that was short-lived. I’m back to feeling glum about my future again. I have it on my Habitica to look for jobs the next couple of days, but I’m not optimistic. There are only so many jobs out there nowadays, and it feels like every time I do go out looking, I see the exact same job postings over and over again but they’ve been advertising for so long. “Posted 14 days ago.” They don’t change.
So I’m not sure what to write here. I supposed it’s just to help me dump my feelings – a catharsis of sorts – even if this state of awareness has felt semi-permanent since the pandemic started.
I haven’t been blogging everyday, but this is my third time blogging this week. Progress. Take that, Habitica.
My last blog was a huge wall of word vomit, so I want to write about something different. (Honestly though, I could’ve gone and written more if it hadn’t been 6 AM in the morning when I had written and published it.)
So I promised a productivity app – shout out to Habitica – a few days ago that I would write in my blog every day.
Obviously, it hasn’t worked out so far.
For the past few days, I’ve been trying to think up of a topic to write about, but there hasn’t been much. I want the stuff I write about to be something thoughtful, something that I can look back on months from now and know that I mentally or emotionally grew from it. But there hasn’t been anything substantial in my life recently that warrants a blog.
Well, this year has been catastrophic so far. I’ve barely been able to find a job, and I’ve barely been able to save enough money to maintain a lifestyle. This pandemic has killed all hopes for me. I’m scared that if I resort to part-time jobs for the time being, I’ll never be able to get back to the full-time career that I’ve been working on for the past few years.
It’s a legitimate worry even if I sometimes feel like I’m self-fulfilling the messaging the media has been delivering to the public the past several months – that millennials have been fucked over this pandemic, and it will be years before they will bounce back from this.