So that was short-lived. I’m back to feeling glum about my future again. I have it on my Habitica to look for jobs the next couple of days, but I’m not optimistic. There are only so many jobs out there nowadays, and it feels like every time I do go out looking, I see the exact same job postings over and over again but they’ve been advertising for so long. “Posted 14 days ago.” They don’t change.
So I’m not sure what to write here. I supposed it’s just to help me dump my feelings – a catharsis of sorts – even if this state of awareness has felt semi-permanent since the pandemic started.
So I promised a productivity app – shout out to Habitica – a few days ago that I would write in my blog every day.
Obviously, it hasn’t worked out so far.
For the past few days, I’ve been trying to think up of a topic to write about, but there hasn’t been much. I want the stuff I write about to be something thoughtful, something that I can look back on months from now and know that I mentally or emotionally grew from it. But there hasn’t been anything substantial in my life recently that warrants a blog.
Well, this year has been catastrophic so far. I’ve barely been able to find a job, and I’ve barely been able to save enough money to maintain a lifestyle. This pandemic has killed all hopes for me. I’m scared that if I resort to part-time jobs for the time being, I’ll never be able to get back to the full-time career that I’ve been working on for the past few years.
It’s a legitimate worry even if I sometimes feel like I’m self-fulfilling the messaging the media has been delivering to the public the past several months – that millennials have been fucked over this pandemic, and it will be years before they will bounce back from this.
First day of the rest of my life, and I cannot sleep. Actually, that sentence sums up the last five or so years of my life pretty well. But tonight – or rather, this morning – I have a good reason for not being able to sleep.