Alcohol is a depressant, isn’t it. Like, it makes you happy for one night and then you wake up in the morning feeling depressed again? Because it sure feels like it right now.
I just looked back on my blog entries to see when it happened, but it was this day on November 2020 – “Another roller coaster” – when I watched Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stream on Twitch with a bunch of streamers and waken me (slightly) from depression. It’s funny how I feel almost the same way today, even for different reasons.
I found out a few weeks ago that my landlord has the intention to sell his current apartment to help his daughter move back to Toronto from Singapore – which means I will be forced to leave the apartment I’ve been living in for the past two years. I moved in here spring of 2021, taking advantage of pandemic prices, and it’s been a ride watching rent prices increase month over month, year over year, to its peak now. The rent prices in my neighbourhood right now are averaging $2500/month for an apartment unit my size. I’m paying roughly 60% below market value. It’s insane, I know. My landlord also knows that the rental price I have is insane. Everyone and their moms know it’s insane.
However, I’m now going insane with this situation – where I’m basically getting the boot from my landlord because he intends to sell, and I have to cope with having to pay a ginormous increase in rent month over month after living so generously at this current rental price for nearly two years. I get it. I know that it’s gotta happen, but fuck, it doesn’t mean I can’t be anxious about it.
My landlord came around the apartment today asking me if it was possible that I could leave the unit by the end of August. And if I could, he would pay me an extra two months in compensation. It would be just over $5,000 overall if I were to leave earlier. The thing is, I’ve not even done much looking. My plan was just to stay here as long as I can because I know that they require to give me sufficient notice to leave this apartment. The problem is that the landlord is in a rush to sell to help out their daughter, so they’re trying to push me out with this bribe.
My anxiety right now isn’t so much the fact that they want to push me out, but the fact that this is even a choice in the first place. I was doing totally fine without this choice laid out in front of me. I didn’t want this choice. I don’t want this to be a thing. I was doing fine with just living my life and figuring out where to move next as a casual low-key part-time job. I didn’t need this to be suddenly thrust in my face as a sudden top priority. I understood that I was gonna need to do it soon and that I need to search for something as a side gig. I had been looking at apartment listings on the side, trying to get a sense of what I wanted. But to suddenly be forced to decide? No. I don’t want that.
I just want to plank on the ground in my 570sqft apartment and just relax. I want to know that I’ll have this place for the rest of my days here in Toronto. I’ve not even thought of where to move. Do I want to move out to somewhere cheaper? Or do I want to stay in my comfy neighbourhood and pay a slight premium? There are so many decisions to make. So many things to think about.
I drank 1.5 two huge glasses of wine tonight while watching AOC stream, and I thought it would make me feel better, just like it make me feel better like it did three years ago but it was just a tiny recess from all the things that are actually stressing me out. I’m so tired.
Did you know that you now need an annual income of at least $220,000 per year in order to afford a house in Toronto? I earn less than half of that. How do you even keep up with this city? I’ll never be able to afford a place at this place. I’ve been completely outpriced by the market. I’m just basically waiting for a “housing crash” at this rate. As if that’s going to happen.
And if you make $100,000 a year – which I don’t, by the way – you can’t afford a house anywhere at all in this big ass country. Where should I move to instead? Fucking Manitoba?
I’m so bitter about the state of this country. I’ve been saving for the past two years because I don’t have many expenses – I just stay indoors and game all day and night – but now I can’t save as much anymore. I’m now forced out of my apartment because my landlord wants to support his adult daughter’s move back to Canada. Don’t they get paid more in Singapore anyway? His daughter is married to a rich husband anyway – can’t they afford a house in Canada anyway?
I’m also reminded of the below tweet, where rich people fake being poor by going to Aldi instead of super posh supermarkets. Come on.
I’m genuinely so anxious about the next two months. This is right before a week-long trip to Las Vegas too, which I’ve done barely any planning for. I’m so anxiety-filled right now. I was just going to super focus on my trip this weekend, but my landlord’s “offer” has put a serious dent into my plans. I really don’t know what to do here. I don’t know where to start.
I don’t have many IRL people to talk to about this either because most of my friends already own their own places here in the Greater Toronto Area. I’m the only one who still lives in a rental. Shame on me, I guess, for not staying in Canada in my 20s and deciding to frolic around Europe for two fucking years. I guess I could’ve saved up for an apartment by now because I certainly didn’t come back to Canada with actual savings. All of that was spent on seeing the world.
Oh god, I hope I don’t get fired in the next few months. What if I lose my job? Then I really won’t be able to afford to move out on my own. I’ll have to move back into my parents’ place, into that mental health hell-space. That shithole. The shittiest of shitholes.
I’m word-vomiting at this point, but who can blame me? I’m so anxious and stressed.
Photo by Maria Ziegler on Unsplash.
