I’m writing this at 2:30 AM in the morning, so I’m not particularly coherent. I’m tired and sleepy, but I need to jot this down as I’ve been procrastinating on blogging out my feelings for the past month or so.
Category: Personal
Another roller coaster
I’m in a mood again. Last night, it felt like I was on a high. I watched Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stream Among Us for five hours and laughed and smiled for most of it. I went to bed smiling and laughing. I couldn’t remember the last time I was so relaxed and happy. It felt like I was on a serotonin high. It was a strange feeling because the last time I felt like this, it was maybe two years ago.
I was smiling and laughing for nearly half of that Twitch stream. AOC, Hasan, and Corpse Husband put on such an excellent stream, I didn’t have the thought of presently being a life failure even once during those few hours. I laughed and I clapped. It never felt contrived. I never felt forced to react in a certain. I was just enjoying myself. There was no pressure to react negatively or positively.
Still we dream
Since I’ve been on Habitica, I’ve been more sensitive lately on what sort of productivity I’ve been putting out in the world and what I want to accomplish in my life beyond the usual life and career goals. That is, more than the usual “get rich and travel” mantra.
I got over 12 hours of sleep last night and woke up with a slight headache – perhaps from oversleeping? – so I am suddenly in the mood to jot down a list of things I want to accomplish in the near future.
Cold shivering and alone
Last month’s blogging exercise has proven to be somewhat productive. I’m here less than a month later writing out my feelings because I actually need an outlet today.
I had a job interview today. Two of them back to back for the same job and company. I already know that I didn’t get it. I know that it’s shooting myself in the foot, and maybe it is, but I have no optimism for my future anymore. I go to interviews for jobs I know I’m a shoo-in for because the role is nearly word for word what I’ve done previously in a last job – and it’s an unique position that not many people have the skills – and yet, and yet, I won’t get an offer.
A mixture of emotions
I feel weird saying this today of all days, but I feel good today. It seems I’ve finally fixed my mucked up sleep schedule because I woke up at 7:00 AM today! I actually woke up naturally at 3:30 AM but I couldn’t pry my eyes open nor could I physically get out of bed, so I decided to sleep further to see if I could get my circadian rhythm to fix itself. Lo and behold, I woke up at 7:00 AM! I am very happy about this.